Kinda Crunchy Mom

What is a "crunchy mom"? I had no idea what I was reading when people would use that term on social media posts. It just seemed like such a random thing to say, and was popping up everywhere in my social feeds. So to the Google machine I went!

This was top definition on the search: "According to Urban Dictionary, 'Crunchy Mom' is defined as, A member of an increasingly growing group of moms who are neo-hippies. They generally believe (for varying reasons) that there is something bad or less beneficial about buying mainstream products or doing other common activities in the mainstream way." See here. I realized how I kind of related to this, although not fully. Which lead to more research, which I found that there is no one solid answer to the question "What is a crunchy mom?".

The over-all theme I found though, was this;

A "crunchy mom" questions the norm. Whether that be her methods of child rearing, birth, medication, food, or even clothing choices. Everything is fair game to be challenged as "the right thing to do" but rather it just being the normal thing.

Now, I question EVERYTHING! But, for a long time, that was all it was. No extra research, no action. This past year+ that has changed. Now I don't just question everything, but I research it too, and man did that open up a whole new world. Like I had no idea just how bad the average candle or body care product is for us until now! I'm talking things that cause cancer, infertility, miscarriage, fetal abnormalities, and more.

Obviously for anyone these are bad. But as a mom it scared the hell out of me. These things were in not only my own products, but also my child's! So I went on a quest to find safe alternatives for my whole family, and share about it on my Instagram page.

Why only a "kinda crunchy" mom?

Sure I've switched out basically all our personal care and household products for safe ones. We also mainly eat homecooked meals. But that doesn't mean I'm off raising chickens to butcher, batter, cook, and serve as chicken nuggets for my toddler. Nope, I'm off to superstore to buy the gluten free ones they have all boxed up and ready. Now I'm not saying I wouldn't love to have a farm to do that on, but that's beside the point. Honestly chuckling at myself while I write that, because I seriously wish we could.

Another thing is, I love buying local, handmade items whenever possible, but there are some things that I just naturally head to the mainstream stores for. And as much as I love our local coffee shops, it's simply easier for me to go through a drive through for some coffee while my toddler plays safely strapped into his car seat.

So what is the point of this article?

Society always feels the need for labels, and I just wanted to break this one down to just what it really is. It doesn't matter if you're a "crunchy mom", "silky mom", or any other "type" of mom. The main thing is you are showing up for your children in the best way you know how. In the way YOU feel most confident in. That is not a thing to look down on.

Does this mean that there is never a reason to change? No. There always needs to be room to adjust. Every child is different, and you are learning what that means right along with them. Our needs as parents change just as often as our child's needs do. So make adjustments. Learn and grow. Rather than falling under a label, just be their mama. Be YOU.

I hope you enjoyed this article. Please share with a fellow mama in your life. Thank you for reading!

Parenting Is Hard

You might see that title and think "Well duh!!" Or you might be one of those who everything with parenting just comes naturally and you easily manage everything. Both points of view are equally valid.

The Struggle

Often when I start to get overwhelmed, my mind starts to tear me down, saying things like "I'm a bad mom - I shouldn't be a parent - I'm not a good enough wife" etc... This makes me angry at myself which ends up projecting onto those around me, like my husband and son.

The worst part is I can see it happening and try to correct it, but when you've suffered with depression for so long, without developing healthy coping mechanisms, it can be extra difficult to put them in place when facing extra struggles. To be honest, I'm struggling with this right now. Every time I try to write in this blog, my son becomes extra clingy and whiney. This is why I haven't written one in so long. But it is important to me to be able to write about motherhood and my experience with it. (Also my son broke the spacebar on my computer so this has been extra hard to write.)

Is It Parenting or Everything Else

Have you ever thought about this? Like if all you had to do in a day was be a parent, no cooking, cleaning, business, shopping, etc.. Would it still be hard? Personally I would say yes. Parenting alone is a full time job, it doesn't only take physical energy, but also emotional and mental.

However, as parents we don't usually get that luxury. We have the full time job of parenting plus all the other business of daily life. We have to cook, but with disruptions from our child/children. We clean, but does it stay that way long, not usually! Shopping needs to be done, with or without kids in tow. Honestly there have been times I've gone for groceries with my son, and got so overwhelmed that I left with nothing but increased anxiety and a cranky child, to just sit crying in the vehicle together. Most of the time I do grocery shopping only when my husband is home and can be with our son.

You see, before having a family to look after, these tasks are pretty simple for the most part. Plus they don't pile up nearly as fast as they do for one person as they do once children are a part of the equation. You know, the illusive sippy cups that disappear and reappear at will so you use 3+ per day, not including the snack dishes, meals, dirty clothes with food spills, yadda yadda yadda I digress.

So keeping all that in mind I often think of this phrase, "Parenting is hard. Doing anything else while parenting is even harder." It's a basic reality for most of us. Accepting that, reminds me to give myself some grace and to manage expectations for the day. No, I won't get all the dishes, laundry, sweeping, tidying up, playtime, a nap, shower, and other things done all in one day. It would be wonderful, but also just not realistic in my house.

What Is The Point Virgilia?

Give yourself some grace! Your children don't need you to be perfect. They need you to be the human being that shows up every day, that makes mistakes, that tries their best, that cries, that laughs, and that they know loves them no matter what. Yes, the house may not be perfectly clean, maybe playtime isn't "Pinterest worthy", and maybe lunch was cheese and crackers. That doesn't make you any less worthy of a parent. What your child sees is their person, making sure they are fed, warm, and safe.

If you need help, get it. Ask a trusted friend or family member to just come by to do some dishes, fold laundry, or even just talk (it's important to be able to talk with other adults). Not everyone has the freedom to utilize day homes or babysitters, but if you can find one that you trust and can afford, take advantage of it! Get a morning or two per week to yourself, do some self care, catch up on housework, or whatever you need to destress and be at your best. You've got this!

Pregnancy & Me | Part 2

Welcome back! Today we are diving into what the second and third trimester's were like when I was pregnant with my son who is now two years old. If you haven't had the chance to read part 1, please head over an do that first. It gives good context for what we're talking about today.

Second Trimester

Alright lets dive in! Now you may have read that morning sickness usually goes away by the second trimester and that mama gets a burst of energy. Key word being "usually". That was not the case for me. Dealing with hyperemesis gravidarium, my morning sickness stuck with me the whole pregnancy! Yeah you read that right. I had to take medication for this in order to eat and even then it was tough finding foods that didn't set me off.

Honestly having to deal with major food issues while pregnant was not surprising to me with having had a long history of dietary struggles. The benefit (if you can really call it that) of having dealt with similar issues my whole life is that I had a good foundation of dealing with my body under such struggles. The real struggle was, now I was pregnant and had to think of what was safe for both myself and my baby.

I couldn't exactly get away with just eating a cracker and a piece of cheese, with monster energy drinks like I did as a teenager. Honestly I wouldn't recommend that under any circumstances, but that's a story for another day. Maybe I'll do an Instagram Live about it one day. But for so many obvious reasons, that would not fly while being pregnant. So, I used similar methods but healthier alternatives. For example, I still had crackers, but ones that were more nutrient dense. My favourites were the Gluten Free Breton crackers that had beans, and full fat hard cheeses. Fruit was also a staple for me, because I wanted sugars so bad but also had nearly no interest in candy, and I could add fresh fruit to ice cream too so there's that. The big issue for me was that I have Celiac Disease, and all my "cravings" were things like Wendy's Spicy Chicken Sandwich, and Tim Hortons Apple Fritter doughnuts. Finding alternatives was nearly impossible, so my cravings were never satisfied. However my husband said that I got him to go out one night at 11pm for a Wendy's chocolate frosty, but I do not remember that at all! lol

One relief I found about the second trimester, was actually starting to "look pregnant". Like, here you can see why I've been feeling like crap for a while now! Ta Da! Not that I was bothered by not looking pregnant at first, but I just didn't like the questions and insinuations from people that didn't know yet. I don't know about you, but it has always been a pet peeve of mine when people always nudge at the "sure you're not pregnant" or like you wouldn't have even thought to check. Like no, I an adult female who is married and therefor sexually active, wouldn't bother to check for pregnancy when having many of the tell tale signs. Obviously. Anyways, you can see why I was relieved to now be looking pregnant.

Third Trimester

Speaking of looking pregnant, lol, I blew up! Never did I ever expect that my baby bump would get so big. But I'm also only 5' 2" so baby has literally nowhere to go but out! So I ended up with the pregnancy body that was like "is she pregnant??" from behind, "OH DANG SOOO PREGNANT!!" from the side.

So, really big baby belly, plus still having morning sickness... You've probably guessed what came of this combination already, but just in case you haven't "ArE yOu SuRe It'S nOt TwiNs??" Like no, never thought to ask. Twins just run in my family so it never occurred to me to ask that at my very first ultrasound. But maybe the techs have all just collaborated to keep me in the dark about my twin pregnancy.

Now I know that nobody means any harm when saying these things, and although they irritated me I tried to just let it be like water off a duck's back and move on. However, these things DO NOT need to be said or asked or insinuated. In the end, no matter the intent, they are disrespectful. Moving on..

I had a love hate relationship with the third trimester. Loved that I could feel my baby so much more, and dang my hair got so long and thick plus my nails were the best they've ever been, and my husband and I were getting so excited to meet our little boy. The usual irritations like having to pee constantly, having barely any clothes that fit (aside from what I stole from my husband), and struggling to put on shoes were easy enough to contend with. The "hate" side of this was mostly my medical care. This gets serious so please make sure to read the "Take Aways for New Parents" section at the end.

Unfortunately the clinic I was put in was not the type that assigns you one doctor, but instead just gets you in to see whomever is available that day. It sucked. There was no consistency of care, and no relationship able to be built between myself and my OB. Plus there was constant conflicting information. As a first time parent with no experience navigating the medical complexities of pregnancy, it was overwhelming and beyond stressful.

Before I was pregnant, my blood pressure was pretty low, 80 over 50 was my "normal". Now in the third trimester, it sat at about 130 over 90. Which the doctors said under normal circumstances was just fine, however for me they were worried about pre-eclampsia. Even though other symptoms didn't line up with that and every test they ran said I was not in danger of that. But still, it made me worry that they weren't confident in the tests (or even in their own judgement). They left me feeling like a number rather than a person every time I left their clinic, and more stressed than when I went in.

At nearly every appointment in my last month and a half (you know, when weekly appointments happen), I was sent to the hospital. Looking back now, there was absolutely no reasonable explanation for them to do that. We spent hundreds of dollars on parking, and an excessive amount of our time at the hospital and man can I tell you that wish I knew then what I know now, because all of this lead to them pressuring me into an induction. Which sad to say, I listened.

Take Aways for New Parents

Please, don't read what I've said about my experience and think "she's trying to scare me". I'm truly not. My goal is bringing awareness. Your doctors are there to serve YOU and your baby. YOU are in charge, not them. YOU know your body, they are just meeting it. YOU know what is best for your baby, they just guess.

I wish I could go back and tell myself these things at the very start of my pregnancy, and all through my prenatal care. If I had someone then who could drill that into my head, then maybe I would have been under less stress. Maybe I could have given birth naturally. Or maybe things would have turned out the exact same in the end but with my husband and I feeling a bit less railroaded by the medical system.

This is not to say that modern medicine is bad. I utilize them often, and have received beneficial care. However, sometimes there are doctors that their opinions are worth more than their patients. If you ever feel this way, please do yourself a favor and get a new doctor! Get one that values your opinion and will work with you rather than treat you like a number. If you need to, get someone you trust to remind you that you are in charge and will help you keep your goals in focus that can come with you to your appointments or even talk with them after. Get support! You and your child are worth it.