Parenting Is Hard

You might see that title and think "Well duh!!" Or you might be one of those who everything with parenting just comes naturally and you easily manage everything. Both points of view are equally valid.

The Struggle

Often when I start to get overwhelmed, my mind starts to tear me down, saying things like "I'm a bad mom - I shouldn't be a parent - I'm not a good enough wife" etc... This makes me angry at myself which ends up projecting onto those around me, like my husband and son.

The worst part is I can see it happening and try to correct it, but when you've suffered with depression for so long, without developing healthy coping mechanisms, it can be extra difficult to put them in place when facing extra struggles. To be honest, I'm struggling with this right now. Every time I try to write in this blog, my son becomes extra clingy and whiney. This is why I haven't written one in so long. But it is important to me to be able to write about motherhood and my experience with it. (Also my son broke the spacebar on my computer so this has been extra hard to write.)

Is It Parenting or Everything Else

Have you ever thought about this? Like if all you had to do in a day was be a parent, no cooking, cleaning, business, shopping, etc.. Would it still be hard? Personally I would say yes. Parenting alone is a full time job, it doesn't only take physical energy, but also emotional and mental.

However, as parents we don't usually get that luxury. We have the full time job of parenting plus all the other business of daily life. We have to cook, but with disruptions from our child/children. We clean, but does it stay that way long, not usually! Shopping needs to be done, with or without kids in tow. Honestly there have been times I've gone for groceries with my son, and got so overwhelmed that I left with nothing but increased anxiety and a cranky child, to just sit crying in the vehicle together. Most of the time I do grocery shopping only when my husband is home and can be with our son.

You see, before having a family to look after, these tasks are pretty simple for the most part. Plus they don't pile up nearly as fast as they do for one person as they do once children are a part of the equation. You know, the illusive sippy cups that disappear and reappear at will so you use 3+ per day, not including the snack dishes, meals, dirty clothes with food spills, yadda yadda yadda I digress.

So keeping all that in mind I often think of this phrase, "Parenting is hard. Doing anything else while parenting is even harder." It's a basic reality for most of us. Accepting that, reminds me to give myself some grace and to manage expectations for the day. No, I won't get all the dishes, laundry, sweeping, tidying up, playtime, a nap, shower, and other things done all in one day. It would be wonderful, but also just not realistic in my house.

What Is The Point Virgilia?

Give yourself some grace! Your children don't need you to be perfect. They need you to be the human being that shows up every day, that makes mistakes, that tries their best, that cries, that laughs, and that they know loves them no matter what. Yes, the house may not be perfectly clean, maybe playtime isn't "Pinterest worthy", and maybe lunch was cheese and crackers. That doesn't make you any less worthy of a parent. What your child sees is their person, making sure they are fed, warm, and safe.

If you need help, get it. Ask a trusted friend or family member to just come by to do some dishes, fold laundry, or even just talk (it's important to be able to talk with other adults). Not everyone has the freedom to utilize day homes or babysitters, but if you can find one that you trust and can afford, take advantage of it! Get a morning or two per week to yourself, do some self care, catch up on housework, or whatever you need to destress and be at your best. You've got this!